Swimming pool plagued by mystery POOPER in a spate of ‘deliberate’ feces attacks. In Dunedin City, New Zealand, a mystery “pooper” has been unloading their bowels in swimming pools. Swimming pool staff have dealt with three “feces incidents” in a week in what have been described as deliberate attacks. The pool was forced to close for a 36-hour cleaning treatment after a swimmer unleashed a “large amount” of human waste in the deep end.

Lost and Found Has your judge’s wig gone missing? Misplaced your prosthetic leg? If so, you might do well to check Transport for London’s lost property office, which counts these among the strange and wonderful items found on the capitals trains and buses. “We’ve had urns of ashes come through, bundles of notes, we’ve got enough musical instruments—guitars and trumpets and flutes and clarinets, even drum kits—to start our own band”.

Positions Available A recently hired teacher has lost his job after his school discovered he was caught by police urinating in a bush 11 years ago.

Bird Attacks Aggressive mating sans have locals afraid to leave their homes. The birds have attacked cyclists, motorists, OAP’s children and even the postman. Locals have been using water pistols and garden hoses to fend them off.

Pooping Cyclist blamed for Idaho Wildfire. The rugged cyclist thought he as doing the right thing: disposing of his toilet paper by setting it aflame so he wouldn’t be littering. Unfortunately, he was in the dry Boise, Idaho foothills, and he started the Hull fire.