Dear Gwendolyn,

I often search for people I know on Spotify and stalk their playlists. I know you mentioned to avoid social media stalking in one of your advice columns. Is this a bit of harmless fun or am I going too far?

Sincerely,

Spotify Lurker

Dear Spotify Lurker, 

This is just some harmless fun. Music taste says a lot about someone so maybe finding out somebody’s music taste is something we should all be doing. Who knows what kind of people it would save us from becoming friends with! Warning: Incoming Country music slander. I just know I am not destined to be friends with someone who likes country music (no offense but also, like, definitely offense). So maybe Spotify stalking is something I should be doing to weed out the country music fans from my life (I’m pretty sure there aren’t any). I think we should normalize Spotify stalking so you can do the same.

In all seriousness, Spotify Lurker, as long as you’re just checking out their music taste, I think this behavior is totally okay. Also, a great way to find a new band or two. As a music lover and avid Spotify user, this has my lurking approval. 

Sincerely, 

Gwendolyn 

Dear Gwendolyn, 

When someone asks me “How are you?” I can’t think of anything to say besides “Good, how are you?” How do I lead small talk into more interesting conversations and get to know people better? 

Sincerely, 

Small Talker 

Dear Small Talker, 

First of all, this problem is not your fault. The “How are you?” game is just a strange social nicety we have collectively agreed to respond to simply by saying “Good, how are you?” Nobody is actually wanting a true answer when they ask this question. When someone asks me how I’m doing I reply with the typical “Good, how are you?” but I’m secretly thinking: Well, I have two hours of homework to do that I’ve been procrastinating, I can’t remember the last time I spoke to another human and that’s a little scary, and all I wanna do is watch Netflix and eat ice cream. But apparently, this isn’t a socially acceptable reply. 

So, dear Small Talker, the answer is you probably can’t turn this into a real conversation because the “How are you” question isn’t designed for that. But if you truly want to get to know someone, ask them a follow-up question right after that gives them a chance to share something real or substantial about themselves. Honesty is always the best policy…except when it comes to the troubling question-not-really-a-question “How are you?” 

Sincerely, 

Gwendolyn