Dear Gwendolyn, 

I think I like someone in one of my classes but i’ve never actually talked to them and with zoom I probably never will. What should I do? 

Dear Zoom Crusher, 

I totally understand how hard it can be to connect with someone with the obstacle of Zoom in the way. Everything is a little more awkward and difficult over the computer. Chances are, even if you do get the opportunity to talk in class it will be fast, full of awkward silences, and glitchy computer wifi where you have to ask them to repeat themselves three times because they froze. 

My best advice would be to try to find them on social media. Look up their name on Instagram and shoot them a quick message to say hi. Remember though, there is a fine line between reaching out and stalking! (Not that we all aren’t a little guilty of some social media stalking…what’s that? Me? I don’t know what you’re talking about.) Friend them and send one message but if you don’t hear back, let it go. 

If you don’t have social media, you can try to find their school email and reach out there. Although I know it can be scary to be the first person to reach out, it can completely pay off. Or it will create an awkward situation, which I hear supposedly builds character? It can not only start something great, but put a smile on their face because someone is thinking of them enough to reach out. Everyone likes to know they matter. Try your best to be brave, even if it’s scary. You got this. People are often not as frightening as we make them out to be (unless they are, stay away from those ones!). And we’re all in need of connection these days. I certainly am.

Best of luck. 

Sincerely, 

Gwendolyn 

Dear Gwendolyn, 

I have some “friends” that I would like to distance myself from. How do I do that without being rude or obvious? 

Dear Un-Friender,  

So you’re ready to cancel some friends, huh? It’s already a great first step that you know you want to distance yourself from them! It shows you’ve already recognized that they aren’t good for you. This can sometimes be the hardest part. Start by declining invitations for get-togethers you don’t want to attend. Explore making new friends and hang out with them more instead, hoping your soon-to-be-former friend gets the hint naturally. 

In case they don’t, honesty can sometimes be the best way to handle this. I know this can be so awkward and uncomfortable but sometimes it’s best to just rip off the Band-Aid. This is all about the B-word, Boundaries, which is noticing when something doesn’t feel right to you and then being brave enough to not do it (easier said than done, I know). 

When it comes down to it, boundaries are about putting your needs first. There really is no way to be completely subtle about something like this so I recommend doing what feels right for you. I would much rather honesty from my friends than them trying to fade me out but not address it. Try your best to be kind about it if you do choose this route. I know how hard this can be. I wish you luck in the scary world of un-friending! 

Sincerely, 

Gwendolyn