Dear Gwendolyn, 

I have a friend who doesn’t follow covid-19 health regulations when we are together, it’s starting to make me uncomfortable. How do I let them know this without offending them?

Dear anonymous, 

This is a great question! I know many people are dealing with a similar situation right now, myself included. It can be really hard during these crazy times to make sure you’re safe and keeping good boundaries while also not offending or hurting your friends’ feelings. The most important thing when talking to this friend who isn’t following the current regulations is that you make it clear you aren’t trying to be hurtful or judgmental but just want to make sure you are safe and healthy. However, I know this can be a tricky thing to do. 

Try to be open and honest about how you feel and have a real conversation with them. Try something like “ Hey, I feel a little unsafe when you aren’t following the current Covid rules around me. Could you please try to be more careful around me so we can both feel safe? It isn’t personal and I respect your right to take care of your health in the way that makes sense for you, I just want to make sure we both stay Covid free and can continue to hang out with each other.” 

If they don’t respond well to this and still make you uncomfortable it’s perfectly okay to take yourself out of the equation for a little while too. You want to try your best to surround yourself with people who care about you and your safety as well as their own. Real friends will go the extra mile to make you feel safe. Good luck! 

Sincerely, 

Gwendolyn 

Dear Gwendolyn, 

How do I know if I have toxic friends? 

Dear anonymous,

It can be hard to realize you have toxic friends. Start by looking for some key red flags. Here’s a list of some I’ve seen in my experience. 

1. They only reach out to you when they need something and rarely return the favor when you need something. 
2. They exclude you from activities, parties, etc. 
3. They make you feel insecure or doubt yourself, sometimes in an effort to make themselves feel better. 
4. They don’t respect your boundaries. 
5. They are manipulative and or controlling. 
6. You don’t feel like you can depend on them or trust them. 
7. They seem to get angry at you or make you feel guilty more than your other friends.

If you find yourself looking at this list and nodding yes to many of these, chances are you’ve got yourself some toxic friends. That’s totally okay, we are all guilty of not picking the best friends sometimes. Especially toxic ones, because they often seem fun at first but only reveal their true colors after getting to know them. 

The best thing to do in this situation is try to distance yourself from them as much as you can. The sooner you try to leave these friendships the faster you can go on to making better ones. Try your best to recognize the patterns your toxic friends have that trap you into still being their friend, and try to disengage from those patterns. And lastly, remember that even after you remove a toxic friendship from your life, it still takes time to heal and it’s completely okay to be sad or even question your decision for a while after. 

Remember, you’re worth having friends who love and support you! I hope this helps!

Sincerely, 

Gwendolyn 

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