Heyo my dudes! Not everyone has
holidays to celebrate in the winter,
but those who do can find it pretty
stressful. Here are a couple dos and
don’ts to help you have a nicer,
more memorable winter holiday:
1. Don’t: burn a hole through your
wallet buying gifts for friends
and family. Instead, make them
macaroni art depicting their
favorite animal (perhaps the
gelatinous blob fish?).
2. Do: get in a fight with your
homophobic grandma about the
indefatigable march of progress.
Surprise, Linda, I am the
gay cousin.
3. Don’t: insult the cooking, your
[insert relative] slaved away on
those potatoes!
4. Do: get your pets holiday
themed outfits – pomeranians
were born to wear sweaters.
5. Don’t: let your cats anywhere
near the decorations. They’re
adorable, but they will destroy
everything and then nap while
you clean up the mess and cry.
6. Do: blame your diet on the
holidays – it’s definitely not
sadness eating because you
miss Obama (Please, Barack,
if you’re reading this, come
back).
7. Don’t: wake up Napping
Grandpa. He always gives out
cash; he doesn’t deserve this.
8. Do: get Fun Uncle drunk; he
has a ton of dirt on your mom.
9. Don’t: go anywhere near a
room if Sexist Grandpa and
Racist Aunt are in the same
room. Arson’s no joke, and I
promise you will be tempted.
10. Do: give your love to you family.
A lot of them suck but they
also send birthday money, so
you gotta weigh the pros and
cons.
Anyway, hope this helps and best
of luck! And remember, bring up
politics and you’re dead. Happy
holidays!